Difficult Discussions Deconstructed

When I was out at dinner last week, I noticed a trend in the restaurant industry. Several items on the menu were presented by our waiter as "desconstructed". A chicken pot pie was broken down to it's essential ingredients and piled high in a bowl, topped with a square biscuit. A salad with several sweet and savory vegetables, fruits, nuts and cheeses came to the table in a wheel of color, carefully separated and ready to be constructed by the owner.

My theory for this trend is that diners want to know exactly what they are eating. There are no surprises hidden between the leaves of lettuce or under the flaky crust or creamy sauce of casseroles from the past. 

Some things are better when they are broken down to parts that all can see... and digest one at a time if necessary. 

We've done the same with difficult conversations. Here's the basic structure and plan...and, some ideas on how to begin.

1. Open Discussion – talk about the purpose and goals for the discussion.
2. Present Critical Issue and Rationale – what issue needs to be addressed and the reasons why.
3. Ask for Reaction and Their Ideas -- listen to what they have to say and ask for suggestions from them on how to solve the problem.
4. Present Potential Solutions -- combine your solutions and theirs and discuss all the possibilities.
5. Close – actions to be taken by whom. Who will follow up?

 And how do you start the discussion? Try some of these:

• ·      I’d like to talk to you about____.
• ·      I think we may have different ideas on how to ______.
• ·      I have something to discuss with you that I think will help us work together (even) more effectively.
• ·      I need your help with something. Can we talk about it?
• ·      I’d like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ____. I really want to hear your thoughts/feelings about this and share my perspectives as well.
• ·      I think we have different perspectives about ____. I’d like to hear your thinking on this and move closer on our points of view.

F    From the outside looking in, a difficult conversation may look like succotash. But, when you deconstruct it, the parts are all things you recognize. You just need time dice them up and put them on the plate for presentation.